“Small Town Moon” and Big City Dreams

 I must’ve lived a thousand times
But every day begins the same
‘Cause there’s a small town in my mind
How can I leave without hurting everyone that made me?

Oh, baby, baby, it’s all about the moon
I wish you wouldn’t have broken my camera
‘Cause we’re gonna get real old real soon
Today we’re younger than we ever gonna be

Stop, stop, what’s the hurry?
Come on, baby, don’t you worry, worry
Everybody not so nice, nice

Thought you ought to know by now
I thought you ought to know by now
Everybody not so nice, nice
Everybody not so nice, nice

Ever since I listened to Regina Spektor’s Small Town Moon when it came out last year, I felt an immediate connection to the song, without even realizing how much it would reflect my feelings right now. For me, this song is about growing up in the comfort of your home in a small town and struggling with the difficulties of wanting to stay behind and wanting to take a risk and pursue your passions.

This summer when I went to Hong Kong I listened to this song for comfort. Because of Regina, I knew I was not alone in my feelings that in falling in love with a city halfway across the globe I was abandoning everything that I grew up knowing back in the tiny state of Delaware. It somehow made it okay not to be homesick.

But now I am back in Delaware, and although I do not go to school in the same town where I spent my pre-college days I have difficulty reconciling that if I want to follow my dreams of starting a non-profit that empowers women and minority business owners, especially of Asian descent, I might have to leave the state where the majority of my family lives. These thoughts consume me on a day-to-day basis because 1) I work in career services and am forced to think about job-related things at least twice a week and 2) it’s recruitment season. I scour our Career Services website at least once a day, if not more.

So really it’s a decision between comfort and risk. I can either take the easy way out and slide up the corporate ladder in Operations in a locally-based company, which I wouldn’t have minded doing 8 months ago, or I can take a risk for an unpaid position in a new city in an organization that shares my mission and cause. And these decisions are made in a time-sensitive context. “Today we’re younger than we’re ever gonna be” and if we keep hesitating and putting off big decisions, we might lose our chance. Even if I do end up working in corporate, one day I hope to be able to share the wealth with my fellow females and otherwise marginalized species members.

Today I made a spreadsheet with a bunch of different companies that I would love to work for because of their mission and some that are just great corporate supply chain opportunities. I need to weigh some pros and cons rather than just flip-flop in my mind.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this now. I only thought of writing something about this while sitting in my dreadful math class today.

I’ve started reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandburg and I’m really liking it so far. It’s already shaping my views on go-getting and risk-taking. Apparently, females are more risk-averse and even I can attest to that.  I will probably write a little reaction piece once I’m done.

It’s Friday the 13th. I walked under a ladder this week. Twice. On second thought maybe I should put off that risk taking for a while. ;)


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